Beautiful Desperation

There are moments of beautiful desperation that I keep coming back to. I've come to understand that it's in the coming back - often - that I find the strength, answers (or peace to not know the answers), comfort, courage, hope, faith, integrity, humility, and trust to square my shoulders against whatever Goliath is staring me down in that moment.
The poem below is that moment, that prayer, captured.

Uncover me.

Spread me thin.

Foresee my harvest.

Root within.


Move my earth.

Prep my land.

Doctor my soil.

Until I can


Welcome Your seed.


Interrupt my dreams.

Allow my contrite tears.

Haunt present with past.

Wash me in my fears.


Turn love away.

Spotlight my agony.

Open my wounds.

Reveal my anatomy.


Touch what hurts.

Reach what strays.

Whisper the words.

Convict my ways.


Promise me much.

But make me wait.

Allow me to lose.

Know my fragile state.


Stir up a storm.

Set me in its eye.

Sweep me in my panic.

Watch me die.


Stand with arms open.

I would run. You knew.

Stand with arms open.

Let me crash into You.


Let forgiveness miss me.

From within for a while.

Turn friends against me.

Let me weep for my lost child.


Lay Life on me.

All odds, You spite.

Recalibrate me.

Move me through night.


Dip me into You.

Purge the unclean.

Show me Your vision.

Let me believe what You mean.


Give me an experience.

You and I alone.

Close out all else.

Bottle my tears at Your throne.


Bring me to my lowest.

Weather me with my story.

Stretch me toward the sun.

A beacon of Your glory.


Grow me in Light.

Move me through air.

Rest my words on other lives.

To do some good there.


Speak that it’s alright.

I’ll believe You, ‘cause I prayed.

If You say it is so.

I’ll believe what You say.


Know that I’ve no other choice.

See my heart from where You stand.

I am all that I am because You said so.

And You’ve written my story with a steady hand.

- Desperate

Ashley J. H. © 2015