We’re scarred and jaded. We are frightened by Love just as much as we crave it.
We’ve got no real models for longevity so we test each other out and at the first sign of trouble, we throw each other away.
We don’t know Love like we should but we’ll be damned if we don’t keep trying though our understanding is limited. To us, Love is constant connection. We think Love possesses us. We think Love is angrily jealous.
Could we be more wrong?
We hope to find Love between the legs of individuals with whom we have no bond but that of bare breasts and thighs and tongues. We equate Love with conquest and we wonder why he/she won’t spend more than one night with us. Love pulls meaning from the material and trust from the trivial.
Love is a living, breathing thing. It needs daylight.
But we sure do know what we don’t want. And that’s a start, isn't it?
What our girlfriends and homeboys tell us. And the movies… We would never admit it in public spaces but there are nights when we drown our tears in a bottle of something inebriating and a sweaty dance floor. Deep in those long nights, we are hoping for the love we curiously see only on the silver screen, numbing ourselves to the painful fear that Love may never actually come for us, may never deem us worthy enough to come and see about us.
We don’t see our worth.
To be loved, we are at the mercy of Time and someone else, anybody else.
We don’t value our individuality, only who we are when someone else is loving us - or vehemently claiming that they do. And that scares us. Scares us into becoming the people we never thought we would become, doing things we never thought we would do to secure a little Love for ourselves.
We’re scarred and jaded. Frightened by Love just as much as we crave it. But one thing that is coming clear is that Love loves imperfections and hard pasts and hurt hearts because Love is a restoring thing. It sees beauty in exit wounds and old scars. Love is when just a person's thoughts towards us heal us and lift us higher. Love jumps at the chance to enlarge our narrow understanding of what It can do. Love counts us worthy before we ever do anything ‘worthy’ and it doesn’t throw us away when we misstep. It picks us up, reminds us of who we are, and carries us. It takes no counsel from the bitter. It leaves no trail of past wrongs. Love travels light years to hold us up when we've been dragged through the mire of the unrequited. Love erects monuments and altars. Love calls heaven down to come and see its handiwork. It purifies us, leaving - above anything else - a fervent desire for higher.